Trader Joe’s Providential Belgian-Style Golden Ale
Pours a great bright, fizzy, cloudy almost orange color. Immediately smells like fruits, spices, sweetness, yeast and maybe some alcohol.
Hops – 3 Sure they’re there but that’s not the point here. They provide some nice balance
Malts – 6.5 It’s a belgian style ale. Tastes just like one.
Carbonation – 8 It says “champagne-like effervesence” and they’re right. It bubbled and fizzed just like it.
Character – 7 Okay so there’s not as much wallop to it as you’d think. But at the price point (cheap) it tastes fantastic. It doesn’t have much booze to it at all, no unpleasant aftertastes. What it does have is some spice, some fruit, malty sweetness and a nice touch of carbonation.
Palate – 8. It all comes together for a nice experience. Tastes like a decent belgian ale because it is one.
Overall – 7.5 Trader Joe’s specializes in almost-there replicas and this is no different.
This beer is like La Fin Du Monde light. Which makes sense, because it’s made by Unibroue (the folks who make La Fin Du Monde) for Trader Joe’s. It’s the outlet mall version of a great beer. It’s like a loaded V6 Mustang. Sure it may not have all of the wallop of the real deal, but if it’s your first time, you’ll love it. Which makes sense. For much fewer dollars you’re getting 75% of the experience.
My Imaginary Girlfriend IPA
6.1 % 22OZ Bomber
MIG Pours hazy golden color, sweet smell, very pleasant hop aroma. It can, however, do a 4G negative dive.
Hops – 7 I KNOW. It has hop aroma and bitterness and character but there’s nothing special about it. However, it is decently bitter without being overwhelming.
Malts – 3 They’re kinda there to give it a little sweetness, but that’s all you get here.
Carbonation – 6 It’s a little bubbly but nothing unpleasant.
Character – 5 The hops in it are decent enough, and I like that it is btiter without blowing my tongue to bits, but there needs to be…something. Anything. More alcohol, some better fruity esters, maybe a different yeast.
Palate – 7.5 It’s not that this is bad, because it’s not. It’s a pleasant experience and everything goes together well to make an overall blase beer.
Overall – 7 It’s not bad, it’s not amazing. It won’t get you hammered but it is expensive. It won’t offend or amaze, but the label is fantastic. A+.
The first thing that strikes me with this beer is the label. The actual sticker label on here is really high quality. It’s more like a vinyl or plastic than the paper you usually get. You definitely can’t tear this apart and shove the little shreds back into the bottle in some sort of cannabalistic anxious ritual. And then there’s the beer. It’s really not bad, but at 6% it had better be unbelievably smooth, or very distinct and it’s not. It has the “Lost Rhino” taste to it, and I fear that it’s basically another LR recipe without as much malt in it or something. Like someone made an OOPS batch of their Pale Ale and was left with the moral quandary of “What do we do with a beer that isn’t bad enough to scrap?” Do we sell it? What do we call it? What’s the drawing point here? Fred, you have any input? Of course you don’t, you’re the IT guy. The appeal of this beer is as imaginary as your girlfriend. HOLY SHIT THAT’S IT! FRED WE LOVE YOU, YOU UNWASHED MISERABLE BASTARD! Now please pick up your dice and dust the cheetoh crumbs off your desk, we don’t need you any more. Maybe take a shower and sign up for Tinder.